If you encountered beings from another world and they asked you to explain to them the concept of love, how would you go about it? This small, four letter word has been the subject of many a poem, song, painting and all sorts of work of art. They all set out to capture the essence of love, some succeeded better then others, but none have come even close to expressing the full extent of this all encompassing concept. Is it a feeling? Is it just a chemical reaction? Is it something that is a basic instinct for a human being to seek out and wanting to give? There is something ancient, archetypal yet very basic about love; basic because inherently everyone is capable of not only giving it but receiving it as well.
Are there different kinds of love? Is a mother's love for her child much different in essence from someone's love for a brother, friends, a pet or your country? If it is, what is it that makes it different? The love is the same, only the object of love is different. Is there anything quantifiable that will make the essence of love different?
Regardless of the object of our love, putting into words why we love someone can be just as hard as explaining the concept itself. I cannot explain why I love my children or husband or my friends. I can put into words the things I love about them but those are not exclusive. If I say I love my son because he has a great sense of humour and is a bright child or my daughter because she's the warmest human being I have ever met, I would be implying that excluding those qualities there is nothing about them that is worth the affection, that without those attributes my love for them would be conditional.
Can I say to my husband, "I love you when you understand me" and not make him feel like he has to understand me continuously to keep acquiring my love? Putting conditions such as these on our relationships with anyone can only mean one thing: the lack of understanding on what love truly is.
Love just simply is. It is not "more" or "less". It just is. It is without conditions, without boundaries, without reason or explanation. When it is given, it must be given freely without any reservation, fine print, disclaimer or special clause, otherwise it is not love. Unconditional is implied in the word "love" itself. It either is unconditional and therefore it is love, or it is burdened with conditions that make it devoid of it. When we use the expression "unconditional love", the word "unconditional" is therefore redundant.
It is when we realise this and are able to dispense our love freely like this is when we will start to see it being present in out lives and given to us as well. This kind of love we need to discover towards ourselves also. Letting go of negative self-talk, forgiving ourselves for past mistakes and discard any judgement we have towards ourselves.
I would be happy if I could loose some weight. I would be content if I had a better job. I would be happy with myself if I were just a bit more outgoing. The list goes on. Putting such provisions on our own happiness just ensures that this self-defeating cycle never ends. There will always be something that we can put as a prerequisite to our own happiness and it is usually something we don't like about ourselves.
We need to realise that the perfection of the human condition ironically comes from being quite imperfect. That is what makes us human. Our flaws allow us to fully experience what it is like to live a human life. That is not to say that we should not strive for bettering ourselves constantly. It just means that instead of using our flaws as excuses to fabricate conditions for loving ourselves we can embrace them and build them into our human lives and love ourselves the way we are: warts and all.
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