By Andrea Kaldy
To forgive someone who has wronged us can be one of the hardest things anyone can do in life. According to what had transpired we choose our responses. One cannot put a measure on any particular experience, our perception determines our reality. Each of us have a different degree of awareness and live through our experiences according to our perception. When something happens that hurts us we have an option to let it go straight away, dwell on it only for a while or hold onto it permanently.
While the first two options give us a chance to truly move on with our lives, the last one is the one that puts us into a real prison. While holding onto the hurt we are also chaining that person to ourselves, therefore feeding even more energy into the past. This becomes a vicious circle. Let's face the truth, it is easier to have someone to put the blame on, someone we can make responsible for all our misery, than to actually face the facts of what has happened and accept that we were part of it, however small a part that may have been. It is easier to buy into the victim's role and coerce sympathy from our friends over and over while reliving the past. This again channels energy into it, and thus keeping up the cycle, creating fear.
Living in fear puts its stamp on our lives without us even noticing it. We make decisions based on that even subconsciously, restricting ourselves and excluding ourselves. Is this really a good base for living our lives to the fullest? I think, not. Next time you listen to yourself pass on an opportunity presented to you, stop for a moment and think about why. You will notice that at the root of that decision to decline an opportunity there is fear.
Forgiveness is a state of being, not an act. You may say to a person that you forgive them for their transgressions but what happens when the memories of those transgressions will come back to you? You will remind yourself that you have let that go from your life. Forgiving someone does not mean that you condone what they have done. It means that you are ready to release it from your life and that will allow them to do the same.
It is natural to feel anger, sadness, disappointment and all those feelings. Honour yourself by acknowledging those feelings. You are entitled to them. It is through forgiveness that we find liberation from those feelings. It is one of the hardest things to do at first but as you feel the freedom it gives you, you will realise that this is how you may stop the spiral and regain control.
There are many different ways people may exercise forgiveness. Here are two simple rituals that will help you to get release.
Gather a few flat stones or pieces of tree bark. Use a water soluble pen or a pencil to write on them the name of the person you wish to offer forgiveness to and why. Find a body of water near you. If this body of water has a bridge, it's even better. Walk to the middle of the bridge on the footpath and state that your intention is to forgive that person for what they have done to you. You may even wish to say the words out loud. Then let the stones or bark fall into the water and state that you are now ready to release this from your life. Again, you may speak those words out loud. This issue will now truly become "water under the bridge" as the old saying goes. Please make sure you observe adequate safety.
Get yourself into a comfortable position, ready for meditation. Use a rose quartz crystal if you wish. Take three deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Imagine a golden circle around you on the ground and light pink mist rising up and slowly covering you up to the top of your head. See the person in question appearing in front of you slowly from the mist. You give them permission to step into your circle. Now state the issue that hurt you and you want to forgive them for. Visualise them taking your words in and understanding them. Then state your intention of letting this go out of your life and give them permission to do the same and then let them step out of your circle. Let the mist slowly dissipate back into the earth and undo the golden circle.
Remember, the state of forgiving brings true freedom. Who do you need to forgive today?
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